At the beginning of the year, I had no idea what direction our life was going to go. The only thing we knew was going to happen was our European cruise but other than that, all was up in the air. My job was going to change, James’s job was possibly changing, we were going to try and start buying our house, we were going to start trying for a baby…nothing was for sure. For all we knew none of that was even going to happen this year. Then, everything happened all at once. I had a plan for work, James changed positions, we just bought our house, and…we are expecting our first baby!
Like I said, the only thing we knew would happen was our trip in May. Our plan was for me to get off birth control at the end of March, let my body adjust back to normal for the month of April, then get pregnant sometime during or after our cruise. Anyone who knows me knows that I have been wanting to be pregnant/ have a baby since I was 16. But this one time, this ONE TIME I didn’t want to get pregnant right away because I didn’t want to risk being sick on our trip and let’s be honest, I like me a cocktail and white wine. I thought for sure it wouldn’t happen that fast.
When I took a pregnancy test, I was so prepared for it to be negative that I didn’t even wait for James to get home to take it. All I remember after seeing that plus sign quickly pop up is saying “oh my gosh” over and over really fast. I walked out into the living room and back into the bathroom a few times, unsure of what my next step should be. I then decided I needed more proof. I hopped in my car, headed to Safeway, and picked up a box of the Clearblue digital pregnancy tests (you know, the ones that actually say “pregnant” or “not pregnant”) and a couple avocados because I mean, how awkward to go in and buy just a pregnancy test…
Shortly after I got back, James got home from work. I showed him the first pregnancy test. His first words were, “I knew it.” I didn’t want to get my hopes up too much so I kept saying, “Well we don’t know for sure yet, it could be a false positive! Or maybe I’m reading the test wrong!” I chugged a bunch of water and took the heavy duty test. Pregnant. After that, we were both surprisingly calm. Mostly because we were in shock and our brains could not process what just happened.I’m pretty sure we were in that state of shock up until our 20 week appointment. For me it really hit when I could see her actually moving around during the ultra sound. At one point she even turned her head to look at us! She looked like a real baby!
For James, I think it sunk in more once we opened the envelope and found out it was a girl. He now talks like she’s already here and asks me how she’s doing. When she started moving around a lot more he kept asking if he could feel her. I hadn’t even felt her move from the outside but one night I told him he could try. Not even 10 seconds after he put his hand on belly, she kicked harder than I had ever felt her. The moment was perfect, his reaction was perfect, it took everything in me to not let the hormones take over and start balling.
Now at 24 weeks, I’m starting to get anxious for December. I can’t wait to hold her and smell her. I can’t wait to see what she looks like and whose eyes and nose she has. I can’t wait to watch James hold her and talk to her. Most of all, I can’t wait to be her mama.